The First And Only Time I Cheated On A Test

was when I was in fifth grade. I'm still ashamed of myself for it, even though it was so many years ago.

It was our states and capitals test. We had to be able to look at a map and identify al 50 states and their corresponding capitals. I studied and studied for that thing. But when it came time to take the test, there were just a few that I couldn't remember. One of my friends saw me struggling and offered her help. And I took it. We used sign language to communicate, and some how totally got away with it.

It wasn't until after I turned in my test that I realized what I had just done. I was a cheater. I felt awful. Like some part of me had been ripped away.

My mom will have to fill in the blanks here about how and when I told her about it. I want to say that it was right when I got home from school, but I honestly don't remember. I do remember that mom asked me what I thought I should do about it. And I knew. I had to turn myself in.

But it was a Friday, which meant I had the whole weekend to torture myself about it. Whether I grounded myself or my parents grounded me, I don't remember. I think they must have felt bad for me though, because I remember them (Dad?) letting me watch a Shania Twain concert on TV that night. And as silly as it sounds, that little mercy really did help me feel a little better. Because I did feel awful.

Straight away on Monday morning, my mom and I went to talk to Mrs. Neander, my teacher. I told her what had happened. She was very kind, and asked me what I thought we should do about it. I think I told her that I thought I should have to re-take the test and get a zero on it. I know I thought I deserved a zero.

But all she had me do was re-take the test. Which I ended up getting an 'A' on--although it wasn't a perfect score. I remember being surprised at how lenient everyone was to me. I totally felt like I deserved the worst punishments ever. (Whatever those may have been to my fifth grade self.)

Anyway. The point of this post is all background to what happened Saturday morning.

Tyler and I were sitting at the kitchen table feeding Rich and somehow, began to quiz each other on our states and capitals.

It was bad. Embarrassingly so. Like, I knew Helena was the capital of something, but I couldn't remember what. (It's Montana. Shout out to my home girl, McKenna.) And I thought Salem was the capital of Massachusetts. (It's the capital of Oregon. Boston is the capital of Massachusetts.) And Tyler and I were convinced that Philadelphia was the capital of Pennsylvania (it's actually Harrisburg). And I was sure there was a New Jersey City. (There might be. I know there's a Jersey City--right? But the capital of New Jersey is actually Trenton.)

And who can keep track of the capital of Maine?!?! I couldn't. I couldn't even think of one city in Maine. Let alone the capital. (It's Augusta.)

So really, the point of this post is really to say that cheaters really do not ever prosper. Maybe if I had better committed this info to memory in fifth grade, I would not be so woefully inept now.

And maybe because of my fifth grade indiscretion, I feel like I am honor bound to learn the states and capitals and know them forever. As in, this is the only way I can truly redeem my pride. So yes. I made flash cards. And yes. I am determined to know my states and corresponding capitals by the end of this week. And hopefully be able to identify them all on a map. (Though that might have to come later. Geography really has never been my thing.)

So when you see me, quiz me. See if I am redeeming my pride--or if I am letting my brain rot away into nothingness.