Good song. It has such a good message. Check it out on youtube if you don't know what it is. I'm a big fan of it.
Ok.
So I gave a talk yesterday in church about the importance of education. It went alright. I got up to the pulpit and completely blanked out. Hopefully I made sense to the congregation. The other talks were about time management. I thought to myself, "Self, I think that the Lord is trying to tell you something." I just really felt how important my education is, and that I need to make sure that it is my priority.
Speaking of school, I got a half scholarship for the Spring and Summer semesters up here at BYU! So that's helpful.
And recently, I've been dating Tyler. It's been a lot of fun, but his feelings for me are much stronger than mine are for him. He says he loves me, and I believe him. But, I only like him. And I'm not sure that my feelings are going to change any time soon. Marriage is not on my priority list at the moment.
I still really want to serve a mission. (I have 359 days until I can turn in my papers.) And then there is this missionary that I still have feelings for. I would like to see where things go there, if they can go anywhere, if we'll even want them to...
But the long story short is that I'm not allowing myself to have stronger feelings for him than what I have now, because I am not ready for anything more. (For Pete's sake, I'm 19!)
So that's been kind of rough lately. Mostly because I decided that it was time to talk to Tyler and let him know how I was feeling. It was really hard. We talked for a long time last night. But we haven't come to any decisions yet.
I've given myself until the end of the month to figure out if I want to keep dating him or not. It's not fair to him, nor is it right to keep dating him when his goals and mine are so different.
Anyway, I'm open to any advice. I'm fairly new at this relationship game.
All I really want is to have fun. Forget all of this serious stuff.
1 comment:
Hey Kiddo... First of all, I am sure your talk was just fine. Second of all CONGRATS on the scholarship. I know you have been working very hard, and I am super proud of you. Okay, lastly, I want you to know I love you. I know how tough things have been for you lately, and I admire how strong and faithful you have been. Follow your heart, and if your heart isn't making sense, I know a lot of prayer can help. Remember that sometime confusion is an answer. I really hope you do get to serve a mission. You've only been talking about it since you were seven!! I would hate to see you have to give that up. But you shouldn't have to cross that bridge for another year.
Everybody keeps telling me I need to learn to focus on myself and what is right for me. I think the same advice applies to you. Do what is right for you. You may break a few eggs along the way, but in the end, it will work out the way it was supposed to. You have so much waiting for you in your future. Somehow, everything will be alright.
I love you, and remember, you can always call me or hop a plane home if you need to talk. :)
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